Manic Texting Fallout – How To Stop

Show Notes

Jill and Kelly take an honest look at what happens when texting turns molehills into mountains and how to put on the brakes when your texting gets out of control.
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Audio Transcription

Jill Donovan:
Do you ever feel like you’re building an arc with only the instructions for a canoe? If so, you’re not alone. Welcome to CEO-ish where we’ll discuss traveling the path of the unknown while making it your own.

Jill Donovan:
Thank you for joining us today on CEO-ish bracelets Podcast. If you are with us today, you know that we like to talk about things that fall into the ish category, things that you don’t do like everybody else, but you do it from your own story and you embrace it. And you learn as you go.

Jill Donovan:
Since there was no textbook given to me to be a CEO, I learned things the very hard way. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that you should introduce yourself at the beginning of a bracelets podcast.

Kelly Smith:
No, you said you were going to do it three quarters…

Jill Donovan:
Yeah. I’m not even going to tell you who I am nor who’s sitting next to me.

Kelly Smith:
It’s a guessing game.

Jill Donovan:
So one of the biggest lessons, if you asked me the top 32 lessons that I’ve learned, I’d say about eight is something that I believe should be considered a felony or a misdemeanor. And that is what I like to call manic texting.

Kelly Smith:
Oh yes.

Jill Donovan:
Something you taught me so well, Kelly.

Kelly Smith:
The old manic texts.

Jill Donovan:
I’m Jill Donovan, CEO of Rustic Cuff bracelets. And this is Kelly Smith, want to be CEO.

Kelly Smith:
Maybe I should say myself. Hi, I’m Kelly Smith.

Jill Donovan:
That sounds better. I’m Jill Donovan, CEO-ish of Rustic Cuff. And with me today is Kelly Smith.

Kelly Smith:
And I work-ish here.

Jill Donovan:
Yes, you do. Well you more than work-ish. You throw your bracelets filled arms around the word work and you work. On Monday afternoons about two to three.

Jill Donovan:
So manic texting. Can we talk about this?

Kelly Smith:
Let’s talk about it. This is going to be fun.

Jill Donovan:
First of all-

Kelly Smith:
Maybe you should define what manic texting is for people.

Jill Donovan:
Why don’t you define that?

Kelly Smith:
Well at times there have been people in my life who… Something will happen, a situation and a text will come in. And when the manic text, it’s not even necessarily the content of the texting because that’s not always negative. Like the wording’s not negative. It’s the speed to which the texting is coming in. So they’ll be an incident of some sort and then a text will come in, and then you can’t even start to reply before the dot dot dots come up. And then the next one comes in, sorry. And then, “Oh, okay, she’s not feeling…” And then the next one comes in and the next one comes in and you’re like, “Okay, this is going to be a minute.” And then it tends to go on a little long. A couple hours. It’s terrible.

Jill Donovan:
So let me ask you, who in your life has been a manic texter to you? And then who have you been a manic texture to?

Jill Donovan:
You can say it. There’s a bunch of people watching this in this bracelets room right now.

Kelly Smith:
Sure. Well, I will definitely say I can manic text my husband if there’s something going on and I want an immediate answer.

Jill Donovan:
I think a lot of people would be-

Kelly Smith:
Yeah.

Jill Donovan:
… could go into that category. [crosstalk 00:03:18]

Kelly Smith:
Their spouse is just like, “I need to know right now.” At times, occasionally you have manic texted me once in a while.

Jill Donovan:
Like in this decade? Kelly and I had been friends for 32 years. You mean since we’ve been working on bracelets together?

Kelly Smith:
A couple of times.

Jill Donovan:
Okay, So…

Kelly Smith:
And not that that was like… It’s-

Jill Donovan:
But give me an example of something that I… When’s the last time I manic… Because before you say this, on vacation. It only happens… Usually happens when I’m on vacation.

Kelly Smith:
It’s like too much time on your hands and you start thinking.

Jill Donovan:
When I said it usually happens on vacation, our producer who’s sitting right here to the left of us went, “Mm-mm (negative).”

Jill Donovan:
I’m going to tell you why it happens on vacation when you’re in charge of something because you feel like you’re so far away and you go a little cray cray with everybody involved.

Kelly Smith:
You don’t have enough to do.

Jill Donovan:
No. Well no, I got plenty to do when I’m on vacation.

Kelly Smith:
On vacation? You have too much time on your bracelets-

Jill Donovan:
Yes. I’ve got books to read, kids to be with.

Kelly Smith:
You’re not reading those.

Jill Donovan:
And something happens. And so I start single texting the people and then to see if all the answers match up.

Kelly Smith:
And then screenshotting. Right, ladies? Have you received a screenshot?

Speaker 3:
Yes.

Kelly Smith:
Well that’s funny because Erica said this.

Jill Donovan:
That was before I got saved. I just need everybody to know that. So this usually happens when I’m away from the office. I had a very big awakening one time. “Jill, you’ve got to shut down the manic texting. You have to just let it go. No text that you can send is suddenly going to make everything okay, when you send it with that kind of urgency.”

Kelly Smith:
And I have to also say I don’t like the text because you can’t hear the intonation in someone else’s voice. You don’t know if, like when you go, “Why did you not call me right away?” You can’t hear if it’s-

Jill Donovan:
“Why didn’t you call me right away?”

Kelly Smith:
“Why didn’t you call me right away?” Or, “Why didn’t you call me right away?” You can’t read it. So then you just read into it and then when it’s coming in and then there’s like long pauses too. You’re like, “Oh, what’s going on?”

Jill Donovan:
The pause.

Kelly Smith:
And then you get the stomach ache that’s like, “Oh, I did something wrong.” And then you feel badly for the whole evening.

Jill Donovan:
Let’s be fair. When was the last time I manic texted you?

Kelly Smith:
Well, it was the skirt. Remember you asked? We were going to make the skirt and design bracelets or something for you, for an event. And it was-

Jill Donovan:
Really bad.

Kelly Smith:
No. Well, yes, it was really bad. It was pitched like, “You can do no wrong. There is nothing that you can do wrong here. Trust me, I did this at home and I did this and this and this and I didn’t like it. But I’m just thinking you guys would come up with something better, but whatever. Honestly, nothing.” I think the words come out of your mouth, “There’s nothing. It can’t be wrong.”

Jill Donovan:
I’m saying this to a group of designers. They design cuffs. They help design cuffs. So generally things don’t go wrong. It’s not that off-center.

Kelly Smith:
Except that, as you know, a design process takes… There has to be an inspiration. You can’t force it. And this was a timeline and it was like, “Oh and it has to be done,” and dah, dah, dah. And everybody was like, “Oh.” We had all this other stuff going on. So it kind of got to the back burner of getting done and then we ended up-

Jill Donovan:
Wait. Hold that. I then get a video and they said, “We just wanted to show you the design process for your skirt that we’re designing.” The video is all of them outside and the skirt is pinned up like on a wooden fence. And they have filled balloons up with paint and then they put darts on the end… Oh, sorry, they put the balloons all on the skirt.

Kelly Smith:
We haven’t totally worked this through yet as you can tell.

Jill Donovan:
They put the bracelets balloons all on the skirt and then they took darts and they took a video of themselves throwing the darts at the filled balloons with paint on the skirt and letting the paint splatter on the skirt. I’m on vacation-

Kelly Smith:
Acknowledge, it was a bad design. It was a bad idea. It was like no one wanting to take the leadership of going, “Okay, I’ve got an idea.” And it was all just like, “Oh, well we can do that,” and, “Okay, that’s good.”

Jill Donovan:
A design team. I need to remind you that. So then fast forward, I saw the skirt and it wasn’t. It just wasn’t. So I want to hear the text because just… What the text that now that I’ve gotten saved from manic texting, I would send was, “Hey Kel, what’s up with the cute skirt? What happened?”

Kelly Smith:
Did you guys honestly think that that was a good idea? And then you’re like, “Um…”

Jill Donovan:
That doesn’t sound like me. I wouldn’t say it like that. I put a smiley face.

Kelly Smith:
It was a text so I can’t read if you were like, “Oh, did you guys honestly think that was going to be a good idea?” I can’t read your voice.

Jill Donovan:
It was like, “[inaudible 00:08:34] you guys, do you really think that was a good idea?”

Kelly Smith:
Right. Who knows because it’s in a text.

Jill Donovan:
And then what happened?

Kelly Smith:
Well, I think at some point in the manic texting, there was a phone call, which as you know, when the manic text is coming in and then the phone, you’re like, “Oh no, this is going down.” And then you’re like, “Should I just get it over with. She knows I’m on the phone. We’re texting right this second. I can’t.” So you answer and you’re like, “Hey?”

Jill Donovan:
We get it worked out.

Kelly Smith:
We got it worked out. It’s messy because this is what friends do.

Jill Donovan:
And you and I have never had an argument. We’ve never gotten sideways or anything-

Kelly Smith:
No.

Jill Donovan:
… and I’ve forgiven you for all the manic texting. But what I wanted to take just a few minutes as we finish this podcast, is I just felt it would be really good if we both called somebody one or two people that we have manic texted and apologize for that.

Kelly Smith:
Okay. Good idea.

Jill Donovan:
So in my list of manic texting, and I’m not kidding you. When’s the last time I manic texted you?

Speaker 4:
[inaudible 00:09:35]

Kelly Smith:
Over a year.

Jill Donovan:
I have not manic texted anybody in over a year.

Kelly Smith:
I have to say to your credit, you have gotten way, way better.

Jill Donovan:
Shout out to meds for not having me manic text.

Kelly Smith:
No, I do think you had a revelation at some point. You’re like, “I need to breathe before I send these.”

Jill Donovan:
I was majoring in the minor, and I’m free not to do that.

Kelly Smith:
It wasn’t that… And I can think everybody can speak. It’s that we feel badly, we’re disappointing you in the bracelets process that we were all in together and then you just feel badly. So it’s not like we’re mad like, “Oh.” It’s we feel bad.

Jill Donovan:
I have manic texted, I counted one time and it was 12 people. Five of them happened to be sitting in this room right now. But five people.

Kelly Smith:
Oh, there’s six.

Jill Donovan:
Okay. Stephanie and Marcy-

Kelly Smith:
There’s seven and eight… There’s seven, I think eight and nine. Oh.

Jill Donovan:
Marcy. Marcy, have I ever manic texted you?

Marcy:
Just [inaudible 00:10:37].

Jill Donovan:
Okay. Actually, you know what I’m going to do? I’m not going to call somebody to apologize. I’m going to call and find the one person that I have not manic texted.

Kelly Smith:
Yes. Yes, who would that be?

Jill Donovan:
It would be somebody who’s better than all of you… No, it would be somebody that, Oh…

Kelly Smith:
It’s not Robbin.

Jill Donovan:
Hold on. It’s somebody probably in customer service. It would be Michelle Salmon.

Kelly Smith:
Really?

Jill Donovan:
Yeah. I don’t, I cannot imagine… I swear if she says that I did. Here we go. Okay. Oh my goodness. This will just be… If she says yes then we can just end. We can no longer do bracelets podcasts.

Kelly Smith:
Okay.

Jill Donovan:
Actually, she’s probably on…

Speaker 6:
Your call has been forwarded to a-

Kelly Smith:
What?

Jill Donovan:
Hold on. I got to think of somebody else. Who’s somebody upstairs? [Leaha 00:11:23].

Kelly Smith:
Leaha.

Jill Donovan:
I have never ever manic texted Leah.

Kelly Smith:
You have not.

Jill Donovan:
Ever, ever. Leah and I graduated from law school together. She works with… Oh, it’s Michelle calling me back.

Jill Donovan:
Hey Michelle.

Michelle:
I got all flustered and hit the wrong button.

Jill Donovan:
Oh, you got flustered, don’t get flustered if I call you.

Michelle:
No, I was on the phone. Like on with my headset and then I hit the wrong button so I was like, “Ah.” Both phones are ringing.

Jill Donovan:
Okay, I have a quick question for you.

Michelle:
Okay.

Jill Donovan:
You know what manic texting is?

Jill Donovan:
Like when you crazy texting somebody because you-

Michelle:
Yeah, I know what manic is. Yes.

Jill Donovan:
So add that to texting. Have I ever sent you a manic text?

Michelle:
No. You hardly ever send anything.

Jill Donovan:
So I’ve never said any… I’ve never liked sent you like a panic texts about anything and like made you afraid in any way?

Michelle:
No.

Jill Donovan:
Okay. You can take the rest of the day off. Love you. Thank you Michelle.

Michelle:
[inaudible 00:12:18].

Jill Donovan:
Okay, bye.

Jill Donovan:
Check that-

Kelly Smith:
One.

Jill Donovan:
… one. Now I am going to call and apologize to one.

Kelly Smith:
Okay.

Jill Donovan:
Okay. Renée. I’m going to call bracelets Renée.

Kelly Smith:
Really?

Jill Donovan:
Okay. Yeah, I think I’m…

Kelly Smith:
She’s going to forgive you, she’s super nice.

Jill Donovan:
Okay, Renée, here we go. And then we’re going to call somebody for you. This is Renée. She’s in charge of a lot of stuff.

Renée:
Hello.

Jill Donovan:
Hey.

Renée:
Hi.

Jill Donovan:
What you doing?

Renée:
I am working on an order.

Jill Donovan:
Hey, I have a quick question for you.

Renée:
Yes.

Jill Donovan:
Do you know what manic texting is?

Renée:
Manic texting? Yes.

Jill Donovan:
What is that?

Renée:
It’s where you text a lot and don’t wait for the person to respond. You just keep going.

Jill Donovan:
Have I ever done that with you?

Renée:
Maybe. One time or two times.

Jill Donovan:
So first of all, I would like to apologize for that.

Renée:
Oh gosh. I forgive you.

Jill Donovan:
I appreciate that. Could you tell me the last time that you think I’ve done that with you?

Renée:
Oh, like three years ago.

Jill Donovan:
Yes. As in 365 days times three.

Renée:
Yeah. It’s been a long time.

Jill Donovan:
Yeah. Well, I would like to apologize for that one, two or three times I did it before.

Renée:
Oh, well, you’re absolutely forgiven and I appreciate you telling me that.

Jill Donovan:
I love and appreciate you.

Renée:
Okay. Love you.

Jill Donovan:
Okay. Bye.

Renée:
Bye.

Kelly Smith:
She should get a bracelets raise. She’s really nice.

Jill Donovan:
Totally. Can we call one person for you and then we’ll close?

Kelly Smith:
Who am I… I’m not panic texting anybody.

Jill Donovan:
Can we call [Gule 00:00:13:52]?

Kelly Smith:
We can call a Gule.

Jill Donovan:
All right. Gule. We’re calling Kelly’s husband who number one, we don’t even know if he still likes her.

Kelly Smith:
I’m afraid he’s going to be in a meeting right now, but I’m going to try.

Jill Donovan:
Even better. Manic text him to get out of the meeting.

Jill Donovan:
So manic texting. I can’t think of anything good that comes out of it. Really.

Kelly Smith:
Do I just speaker?

Jill Donovan:
Yes. Speaker.

Kelly Smith:
Speaker.

Jill Donovan:
Speaker.

Kelly Smith:
Like this?

Jill Donovan:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Kelly Smith:
This could put a-

Jill Donovan:
[inaudible 00:14:21].

Kelly Smith:
This is a… seemingly very dangerous.

Gule:
Hello?

Kelly Smith:
Are you in a bracelets meeting?

Gule:
Yeah.

Kelly Smith:
You’re on a podcast.

Gule:
I’m on a podcast?

Kelly Smith:
Right now.

Gule:
Okay.

Kelly Smith:
Can’t you just leave the meeting?

Gule:
I just stepped out. It was in the middle of prayer, so…

Kelly Smith:
It’s fine, you’re a pastor. You can pray later.

Gule:
Okay.

Kelly Smith:
Real quick. Jill and I… Jill’s here too.

Jill Donovan:
Hi Gule.

Kelly Smith:
We wanted to know… real quick, sorry. Have I ever… You know what manic texting is? Like crazy texting. That’s like asking questions before I’m getting answers and getting upset about things.

Gule:
Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Kelly Smith:
Have I ever done that to you?

Gule:
No.

Kelly Smith:
You’re such a nice person.

Jill Donovan:
In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Kelly Smith:
Except for… I think I did recently texted you about the thermometer in the house that wasn’t working when you had reconfigured the whole thing and we stuck on some… But it’s just mine.

Gule:
You don’t manic texts to get a response. Whenever you dump text, it’s too that. They’re usually pretty funny.

Kelly Smith:
Oh, it’s a dump text. Got it.

Gule:
Yeah, dump text.

Kelly Smith:
Okay.

Jill Donovan:
Dump text? [crosstalk 00:15:47].

Kelly Smith:
Don’t put that down.

Kelly Smith:
Okay. We’ll let you get back to your bracelets meeting. Thanks for picking up.

Jill Donovan:
Gule, were you the one that was praying or was somebody else praying?

Gule:
It’s in a group of people.

Jill Donovan:
I am so sorry.

Kelly Smith:
Sorry.

Gule:
And fortunately I was quiet. I was just sitting quietly.

Kelly Smith:
And then we had to have you on a podcast so I’ll let you get back to work and then I’m going to get back to work too.

Gule:
I’m sorry, did you see my text about Charlie?

Kelly Smith:
I think we should probably talk about this later because you’re on the podcast.

Gule:
Okay. Oh, I didn’t realize I was on. Okay, sorry. Bye.

Kelly Smith:
Bye.

Kelly Smith:
That’s such case in point. Didn’t I just say at the beginning, “You’re on a podcast.”

Jill Donovan:
But let’s look at the texts about Charlie and see what he has to say.

Kelly Smith:
Go ahead and talk about yourself.

Jill Donovan:
Anyhow to end this manic texting fiasco. I would say if you pick two people today that you think that you have manic texted, just two. And we all have done it.

Kelly Smith:
Or dump texting, apparently.

Jill Donovan:
Now we know that Kelly dump texts. Pick two people today. Call them or better yet, text them and apologize for what you did. It will make their day. It will make you feel better and it will remind you that when you have something really, really important to tell somebody, pick up the phone so they can hear your voice, your attitude, the inflection of everything that you’re saying. It will solve a million things that could go wrong.

Kelly Smith:
I think the moral of the story is that everybody has a bad moment or a bad day or a bad text or whatever, but that when you apologize, it breaks all of that away and we’re just messy, imperfect humans.

Jill Donovan:
At the end of the year when I… When I had this epiphany last year, I wrote down every single name that I’d ever manic texted. That I remembered that I manic texted. And before the end of the year I went out of my way to apologize and long apology for what I had done. And the funniest thing is that I didn’t cross off some names on bracelets and I was going back and apologizing twice to people and it felt really good. So I over apologized-

Kelly Smith:
You’re in the clear.

Jill Donovan:
Did I apologize to you? I know I apologize to you.

Kelly Smith:
Yes, we were good.

Jill Donovan:
And Danielle? Erica? Jessica did I apologize to you?

Kelly Smith:
See.

Jill Donovan:
Sheila, I’m sorry, I didn’t even know I manic texted you.

Kelly Smith:
Clean slate, sister. It’s a clean slate.

Jill Donovan:
So even though my intention was just to get to the bottom of it right away, the way it’s received and the way it’s perceived, just can start this entire snowball of hurt feelings and misunderstandings.

Jill Donovan:
So the next time you have something very, very urgent that you’ve got to find out or you think you need to know right then, pick up the phone. And if you can’t get ahold of them, say, “Would you please call me?”

Jill Donovan:
That’s simple.

Kelly Smith:
Take a breath. That’s what you said you’d go, “I first stop and I just take a breath and try to…”

Jill Donovan:
Yeah.

Kelly Smith:
Give it a minute. Versus just blaze right into it.

Jill Donovan:
Give your phone to somebody until you cool down. But thank God that I do not do that anymore ever at all. Because it’s not what real bracelets CEOs do. It might be with CEO-ishers do, but it’s not with CEOs do. Thank you so much for watching, listening, being with us today and sharing on this journey. We would love for you to go and subscribe if you liked it. And so we can continue on this journey with you. Kelly, thank you for being here with me today.

Kelly Smith:
Thanks for having me.

Jill Donovan:
Yeah. We’ll see you next time on CEO-ish.